Dear Dr. Pepper,
Back in the day you were my drink of choice. Your old slogan — Diet Dr. Pepper tastes more like real Dr. Pepper — was so true! In fact, I remember some really funny and entertaining ad campaigns, back then, too. Good times. Your diet soda has everything you want: It tastes good with no gross artificial sweetener after-taste. And it has a real kick of caffeine. I don’t know if it actually has more caffeine than other sodas, but it sure feels like it. And when I was a full-time reporter working crazy hours, a soda with kick and taste was like sweet nectar from heaven.
So what gives, Dr. Pepper? I thought we had something built to last!
Why Dr. Pepper? Why?!
The storyline is that marketing research revealed that men don’t want to be seen drinking out of a diet soda can. Because “diet” drinks are for girls. (That reminds me, I should tell my husband — and pretty much every straight guy I know — that their drinks make them look girly. Because if market research revealed that “fact,” it must be true. And, you know, if you’re a straight dude, you naturally fear looking girly.)
Tell the truth, Dr. Pepper, were you jealous of your pal Coke Zero and its success with the fellas? You shouldn’t worry too much about Coke Zero. It was banned in Venezuela and bombed in the UK. (And did you learn nothing from the failed Got PMS campaign from the Got Milk people?)
I thought you were classier than that, Dr. Pepper. I thought that we had something special. Now I see you’re just another product that’s one sexist ad campaign away from pissing me off. But more than that, I’m just disappointed. I expected more from you. I mean, can’t you see that this whole “guys don’t drink diet soda” thing is just a truly tired marketing failure? Can’t you see that everyone is pointing and laughing at you?
Well, just in case you can’t, I’m signing this petition so you can see just how many of us are pissed off.
The Tired Feminist